It's Okay to Cry

I’ve seen a lot of Facebook postings from Gold Star Moms lately indicating that I am not the only one having a difficult time right now. For some it’s the anniversary date of their child’s death, for others it’s the fact that Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Maybe it’s for no reason at all. Whatever the cause, a lot of us moms seem to have heavy hearts right now.

The thing is, losing a child, although an adult, is not something you ever “get over”, no matter how much time passes. You progress and move forward, but the loss is part of every minute of every day. You just learn how to deal with it and accept it as “normal”. On this journey, the Lord has blessed me and provided me with the most incredible support network. I know I never have to carry this burden alone.But for some reason right now, I want to carry it. For some reason I want to feel the pain, the loss, and the grief.

My son was killed in a massive fiery explosion. If I could fully comprehend what really happened to him, I don’t think I could survive. God loves us so much that He protects us, takes the pain for us, and surrounds us with others to help carry the heavy load. I have relied on that; God’s love, His blessings, His people. I have been able to focus on the good that came, and continues to come from something so horrible. But right now I don’t want to be strong. I want to cry and I want to feel the pain.

In experiencing these feelings, I felt as though I was letting God and people down. After all He has done in our life and the lives of others, choosing to take the pain seems like an insult in light of all God has done. I also have a “reputation” to uphold. I have been strong and I’ve given the Lord the credit for the strength I have. But right now I just don’t want to be strong. But giving into grief makes me feel guilty.

Last night I had a brief visit with a friend who had no idea how I was feeling. During our conversation, she suddenly turned and looked directly into my eyes, took ahold of my arm and said “it’s okay to cry”. She went on to remind me that Jesus wept, and that the bible doesn’t say we shouldn’t cry when we are sad. It was as though through my friend, God gave me permission to indulge in my pain for a while. It’s okay that I don’t always feel strong and it’s okay to grieve the loss of my precious son.

So for now I’m spending a lot of time at the cemetery, hanging out there, reading, studying, crying, or taking afternoon naps on my son’s grave, or doing whatever makes me feel the emotions I need to feel right now. After a time, I will hand it all back to God for the load would be too much to bear if I kept it for very long.

I’m grateful that a friend with no knowledge of my turmoil, helped me understand that God knew my struggles. He cared enough to make sure I knew it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to cry.

TEXAS ROAD TRIP 2010

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS,
Part 1

Is it a “dream trip come true” or am I still trying to cope with the death of my son Adam in Iraq, and put all the pieces of the story in place? Either way, I’m going to have a blast on “Texas Road Trip 2010”!

When my son Adam joined the Marines and was assigned to 3^rd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion (LAR). I sought support by hooking up with other 3^rd LAR moms in an online Yahoo group just for family members of 3^rd LAR Marines. A bond formed between the mothers and we became good “friends” although only through the internet. We frequently had evening online group chats, where we of course discussed our sons, along with many other things. We got to “know” one another, and our friendships grew. When our son’s deployed to Iraq in March of 2006, our interaction with one another intensified. We had nightly online group chats and stopped for prayer at 8:00 PM every night. Different moms would lead in prayer – typing a prayer for each of us to read. It was as though we were talking to each other and all praying together. Our online group became a lifeline of sorts.

When news came of my son’s death in Iraq, my “friends” were there for me. They went through Adam’s death with me. The network of support formed through a Yahoo group, helped sustain me in those terribly difficult days. Now years later, we are still friends, although most of us have never met in person.

The moms lived in various places throughout the country, me in Utah, many in the mid-west , with others on the coasts, and several in Texas. It’s been my dream for a while now to meet some of the moms with whom I’ve formed such a deep bond.

Our life was defined by the death of our son. Everything changed and the world shifted for us. Our lives are now filled with the most wonderful people because of Adam; people that came into our lives through the Marine Corps or as a result of Adam’s death. Each one is a special blessing. Texas Road Trip 2010 will take me on a thousand mile journey to meet or once again connect with some of those wonderful people.

The journey begins Friday April 9^th when I arrive in Dallas/Ft. Worth where the road trip will begin. Over the next 10 days I will post “adventure updates”. I’ll share the blessings and stories that unfold along the way. I miss my son more than words could ever express, but in his absence God has blessed us in the most amazing ways. The blessings continue and the journey begins.

ADVENTURE UPDATE,
Part 2

“Lost in Dallas!” That’s was my big Texas welcome! Within five minutes of leaving the airport I was desperately lost in Dallas rush hour traffic, trying to recall all the good reasons for making this trip. At that moment I could think of none. Eventually I reached my first destination, the home of the Hubbard’s. They are a special family who came into my life when Chad, a Marine Officer deployed in Iraq, decided to reach out to a mom who had lost her Marine son. Having no prior connection to our family or to Adam, Chad took it upon himself to make sure that in the loss of my son, I would still have a Marine to watch over me. The Hubbard Family has become very special to me and I am grateful for the blessings God continues to provide, through the people He places in my life.

With Chris Tomlin concert tickets in hand, we “flew” across town, probably breaking land speed records. The concert was an awesome time of praise and worship, and something I had been longing for. In fact, I so longed for that kind of worship, that I bought the concert tickets before I planned the trip to Texas. There was either some faith at work there, or a whole lot of something else, I'm not sure which. Regardless, the concert was all I expected! The following morning the road trip began. 150 miles southeast to Palestine to see The Bailey’s.

During Adam’s time with 3^rd LAR, Millye Bailey’s son Patrick was Navy Corpsman with 2^ndLAR. Milley and I became acquainted when her mother’s group so kindly allowed me to join them when their son’s went to Iraq to replace 3^rd LAR as they returned home. Still needing to be connected and wanting to know what was happening in the city where my son died, Millye became my online friend along with several other 2^nd LAR moms. I found their acceptance of me to be loving yet sacrificial, since I felt I represented their worst nightmare. My son had been brutally killed in the very place their sons now were. Yet they loved me and reached out to me in ways I never expected.

The trip to Millye’s house in Palestine led me through gorgeous Texas countryside with an abundance of trees, wildflowers, green rolling hills and lots of cows. Arriving at the Bailey’s, I was welcomed like long lost family. The bond first formed in an online group was a bond that would never be broken. We talked for hours about everything. Patrick told lots of “Iraq stories”, which were interesting and informative, but also filled in a few more of the “puzzle pieces” for me, as I continue to try to fully understand what happened to Adam. The time spent with this warm and loving family blessed and enriched my life in ways I cannot put into words.

I had to force myself to leave the Bailey’s after two wonderful days there, as I would have been content to plant myself there for sometime. Not only because of the friendship, but also for the outdoor beauty, the warm breeze, singing birds, the wind rustling though the trees and beautiful sights of the area.

I made the 270 mile drive southwest to San Antonio. There I met with the Marine who was injured in the blast that killed my son. We had met before. It was good to see him again and see how much he had progressed. He proudly showed off the new Marine “hang out” at Ft. Sam Houston, for Marines recovering from injuries. Donations from caring Americans have provided a great place with lots of “high tech toys” for the Marines to relax and have fun as their healing process continues.

Navigation challenges aside, the trip so far had been nothing short a wonderful. More adventures and heartwarming moments were ahead as I continued on with "Texas Road Trip 2010". Next stop, Victoria

THE ADVENTURE CONCLUDES,
Part 3

Another GPS mishap while trying to leave San Antonio! This time I knew better and opted to find my own way 110 miles southeast to the town of Victoria. There, I arrived at the home of Retired Army Colonel Michael Petrash. Our paths first crossed on August 31, 2006 one day after Adam’s funeral. We had been invited to hear President Bush address the American Legion Convention in Salt Lake City. Having just buried our son the day before, we were still in a bit of a fog. While waiting for the President’s speech to begin, a kind and compassionate Army Officer took the empty seat next to us. Unbeknownst to us, it was somewhat of a “set up”. Fellow Soldiers summonsed Col. Petrash from across the room as asked him to sit next to us, and quietly informed him we had just buried our Marine son. “Sir, we thought you’d be just the right person to sit with the Galvez Family”, the Soldiers told him. Having lost his adult daughter six years prior in a car accident, Michael knew the pain we were suffering and indeed was just the right person to sit with us. It was as though he was sent by God. His kindness, compassion and spiritual encouragement meant so much on that very difficult day. We visited on occasion while Michael remained in Utah, but since his return to Texas over three years ago, we’d had little contact. Reconnecting with the Petrash’s was like a family reunion.

Deep in the planning process of Warrior's Weekend, Michael and his family, the lead organizers of the project and I met for dinner. What amazing people, managing over 100 volunteers to provide a fishing weekend at Port O’Connor, Texas for those who had suffered devastating injuries in the service of our nation. Three hundred Soldiers plus families members were expected there in a little over a month and these fine people were making it all happen. I am constantly amazed by the people who continue to care so much, and are willing to move heaven and earth to do something meaningful for our servicemen and women. I am honored to know such kind and Godly people. My time with the Petrash’s and the special people in their community was heartwarming and uplifting, and over much too soon.

Day six of Texas Road Trip 2010, led me to Houston to meet with the Marine Mom’s who have meant so much to me over the past several years. Terrie Pagel and Dianne Ladet were the leaders of the 3^rd LAR Yahoo Group that brought me in and connected me with other moms. I briefly met Dianne three years ago, but this was my first face to face meeting with Terrie. They were both a part of my everyday life prior to and during Adam’s deployment and have remained faithful friends ever since. In fact they were the first two people I talked to after being notified of Adam's death. They went through so much with me and I love them both dearly.

Another special mom I met with was Kay Gibson of the Houston Marine Moms. HMM is a large and organized group of Marine Moms. Their group sent Psalm 91 Bandanas to California to be passed out to 3^rd LAR’s deploying Marines in March of 2006. The Chaplain said "these are from a group of Houston Moms", as he handed the bandanas to the Marines just prior to boarding the bus. The Psalm 91 Bandana became a special part of Adam’s story. It was not until after his death, that I found the Houston Marine Moms, and specifically Kay, who were responsible for sending the bandanas that came to mean so much to me. Special bonds had been formed with special people. Their presence in my life means more than I can truly express. Without them, and many other special mom’s, Adam’s death would have been more difficult than it was.

My 1000 mile road trip ended back where it began, in Ft. Worth with the Hubbard’s. The week had been full of special reunions and first time meetings with people I had grown to love without ever having met them. In the death of a son, God had placed many people in my life to be a special blessing during those very difficult days, and always. God’s love and presence are made known in many ways. My Texas Road Trip was once again evidence of God’s love and provision in my life. In the terrible loss of a precious son, God did not leave me to face the pain alone. He sent special people to help lift me up and sustain me when I could not do it myself.

God loves each one of us so deeply and is there for us in good times and bad. He watches over every little detail for us for He sees the whole picture, He knows the beginning and the end. A click on a Yahoo groups page, as incidental as it may seem, was God setting in place the network of people I would need down the road. A soldier calling his Colonel from across the room and asking him to sit by us, a Marine Officer in Iraq who felt compelled to reach out to a mother who had lost her Marine son, are all evidence of God's love and provision. I have suffered great tragedy and have received great blessings. To my Texas friends who mean so much to me, thank you for allowing God to use you to honor my son, bless my life and remind me just how much He loves me.

Turning 25

After taking an extremely long break, it’s time to jump in and get back to my heart’s desire, and that is writing. An update from a Gold Star Mom who lives a busy life, full of hard work, fun, family, friends, travel, politics, church and of course troop support projects! Life has moved forward in the fullest sense, however, this time of year causes me to pause and reflect. It’s hard not to feel the sadness as I realize my son a U.S. Marine who was killed in Iraq in 2006, would have been turning 25 years old on April 2^nd. I miss him everyday, but those special dates that come around still have a way of getting to me.

I last saw my son Adam when he was 20 years old. He, along with those from his Company boarded the white bus in 29 Palms and they left for their 7 month Iraq deployment. Since he would be turning 21 in less than a month, we had the good sense to throw him a big birthday bash on his last night at home, a few weeks before his departure. A BBQ at Camp Korean Village in Iraq, coincidently on the day of Adam’s 21^st birthday, served as a substitution for what should have been the “big” celebration.

In the days, months and even the first couple of years following his death, it was easy to think of Adam and what he looked like, how he would have responded in a given situation, things he might have said or might have done. But now as he would be turning 25, I’m losing the ability to picture the person he would be today. Surely the “young man” and sometimes almost “boyish” look would now be replaced with a more mature and manly look. Would he be married? Would he have children? Would he still be in the Marine Corps? If so, where would he be , where would he live? I don’t know the answers to those questions, and it hurts not to know what might have been. As I’ve watched Adam’s friends get married, start families, settled down and move forward, It hurts me that he has missed out on all that. In my heart and in my mind, Adam is still 20 years old.

There is loss on so many levels, but God remains faithful. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. Despite the terrible attack that took Adam’s life, at that moment Adam stepped into the arms of God and he is home safe and sound. Thankfully God doesn’t require us to be perfect, He just requires us to know His Son Jesus and accept the sacrifice He made as a substitution for our imperfections.

Years earlier, I knew there was a plan for Adam’s life. After the attack that almost took his life in Iraq, I knew for sure God had a plan to use Adam’s life, and Adam knew it to. Three weeks later the news of his death while devastating, was also in a way puzzling, because I knew God had a plan for Adam. It didn’t take long to see that God did indeed have a plan for Adam. A plan to use his life, and death, to reach others for Christ in a way that never would have been possible while he was alive.

As parents, our lives have been transformed and defined by the death of our son. Despite the tragedy, God has filled our lives with unimaginable blessings and opportunities to share Jesus with countless people. When the pain starts to take over I try to remember that God is using Adam for His purpose, in ways we never dreamed of. God does not leave us in those times of sadness and sorrow, but He holds us closer than ever and blesses us in ways we never thought possible.

Fox Company's Homecoming, A Night to Remember

The wait was almost over. It had been nearly a year since they left their homes, their lives, their jobs and their loved ones for Iraq. Today, the men of Fox Company, 2nd Battalion 23rd Marines were arriving home.

Families eagerly gathered at the Reserve center in Salt Lake City from which the Marines were based. The local Marine Corps League served hamburgers and hot dogs, while families placed their welcome homes signs on the fence, chatted with one another, and nervously paced, while awaiting the arrival of their loved ones.

Meanwhile, about 25 miles to the south, the Patriot Guard Riders were staged and ready to assume escort duty of the returning Marines. The PGR are a group of motorcycle riders who often ride escort for military funerals. Whenever possible, they gladly ride in honor of those returning home from war.

When two large white buses transporting the Marines from Camp Pendleton in Southern California neared their location, the PRG prepared to ride. The Utah Highway Patrol with lights and sirens on, assumed the lead position, followed by the Marines, and the Patriot Guard bringing up the rear. The PGR had been instructed by UHP to block each freeway lane so traffic could not interfere with the procession.

Periodic updates on the Marine’s location raised excitement among the waiting families. One mother, Silvia Ellsworth showed obvious signs of nervousness and excitement. She could not seem to relax as she waited for her son to arrive.

The many months her son Randal had been in Iraq and in harm’s way had weighed heavy upon her. She received weekly emails and occasional phone calls from her son, but holding him in her arms was all she wanted.

The sirens from the escorting law enforcement drew closer. Then, they were there! Police motorcycles, two large white buses and about 25 Patriot Guard Riders pulled into Ft. Douglas and in front of the waiting families.

The Marines exited the buses and quickly went into the reserve center leaving the anxious family members watching, but unable to get that first hug until some brief duty was completed inside the center.

Families and friends, still anxiously waiting moved to the gym on the lower level of the building and waited. Finally, two Marines emerged from the office into the gym and the crowd erupted in cheers. The Marines descended the stairs into the arms of their loved ones. Then, they waited. After several minutes two more Marines made the same trek to loud cheers and clapping. Finally, LCpl. Ellsworth started down the stairs that led from the office to the gym floor. But he only made it part way before his mom Silva ran up the stairs and threw her arms around her son. After a warm and emotional embrace, Silvia wiped away tears of joy and they made their way down the stairs together, with the crowd still cheering.

The joy and excitement was felt by all who were there as each Marine reunited with their loved ones……. wives and children, fiancés, parents, siblings, grandparents and friends.


LCpl. Ellsworth talked about their mission in Iraq. He spent most of his time on a small outpost outside Ramadi where he built close friendships with the other Marines. While there, they helped train Iraqi security forces and provided humanitarian support for local Iraqis. When asked, he said “the heat about July and August was pretty bad”, as temperatures reach 140 degrees in Iraq. But LCpl. Ellsworth offered no complaints. The smile on his face seemed to make the hardships of the deployment fade away.

Even to an onlooker, the joy of the evening was contagious. The long separation from loved ones and the hardship of an Iraq deployment was over and all had returned.

I was happy to be part of this joyous evening and happy reunion, although I had been nervous about attending. I too am the mom of a Marine. I gave my son a last big hug and kiss as he boarded the bus and left for his Iraq deployment from California three years earlier. But I never experienced the joy of his homecoming like the families of Fox Company did that evening, as my son became a casualty of the Iraq war.

But for a brief moment, I allowed myself to imagine that it was my son walking down those stairs…. In my mind I saw the smile on his face, the twinkle in his eyes, the uniform he wore and the pack on his back. But I only indulged in that thought for a moment and realized just how happy I was to be celebrating the safe return of these Marines.

It had been a great afternoon and evening at Ft Douglas. For the Marines and families of Fox Company, life was good again.

LCpl.Randal Ellsworth

My Thoughts on "Taking Chance"

I eagerly awaited the showing of the HBO movie “Taking Chance”. The movie depicted Mairne Pfc Chance Phelps' final journey home after being killed in Iraq. Lt. Col. Mike Strobl, Phelps' escort from Dover AFB back to his family in Wyoming, carefully recorded the events of this special duty. The story underscored the extreme dignity, honor and respect our fallen warriors are given every step of the way, from the battlefield to their final resting place.

First I want to say thank to you Pfc Phelps and his family for their service and sacrifice to our nation and to express my most heartfelt condolences. The final journey of Chance Phelps although tragic, was beautiful. It made me very proud.

My son Adam, like Chance, had also made that final trip home, with a Marine escort by his side after being killed in Iraq. As I watched the movie, I thought about my son and what that trip might have been like for him. Many things shown in the movie gave me new insight about my son's journey from Iraq, to Dover and finally home to Salt Lake City. I was especially moved by the way the bodies of our warriors are treated at Dover. The care and respect shown by each person at Dover surprised me, although it shouldn't have. I had no idea it was that way. My son's body was probably treated with a similar respect, and that comforts me.

The exceptional way a Marine escort cares for the Marine is awe-inspiring. At our request, my son was escorted home by his best friend, then LCpl. Robert Clark. Adam and Bobby grew up together, played baseball together and joined the Marines together, and Bobby brought Adam home. As I watched Lt. Col. Strobl in his escort duty, I realized just what it was we had asked Bobby to do, and how difficult that must have been for him. Just as Lt. Col. Strobl carried the small red velvet bag with Chance's personal effects from Dover and delivered them to his family, Bobby also carried a small red bag containing Adam's personal effects. I had never thought about how it had been Bobby's responsibility to carry that little bag with such care, and ensure it was safely placed in our hands. Truthfully, I don't know how Bobby ever got through that duty. I appreciate what he did for Adam more today, because of Chance Phelps' story.

Some of the same Marines from 2/23 Fox Company (-) who provided the funeral detail for Pfc. Phelps also helped lay my son to rest. For those who gave all and for the families left behind, the Marines truly do this job right. I thank them, and and am proud of them. Their compassionate professionalism comforted me.

This movie gave me understanding about the process and what it took to bring our son home. Despite spending the next few days in tears, I felt better knowing a little bit more about my son's final journey. I am grateful to Lt. Col. Strobl for volunteering to be Pfc. Phelps' escort and for his writings that eventually became this excellent movie. Lt. Col. Strobl, not only did you honor Pfc. Phelps and the Marine Corps, you provided a little more peace to another Marine mom who dearly misses her son. Thank you.

The Last Birthday

Adam had been home on his predeployment leave and would be heading back to 29 Palms on February 10th, then to Iraq in early March. His 21st birthday on April 2nd would be spent in Iraq and that thought made me very sad. With only a few days remaining before his leave ended, I decided to throw Adam a birthday party. It was a little early but why not? As it turned out, it became one of the most fun and memorable birthdays, and it would also be his last birthday.

With only a few days to plan, we put together a nice family dinner and celebration along with gifts of course. For his deployment to Iraq we had ordered a KA-Bar knife, which he said wanted but didn't know we were getting. After all, a Marine needs his KA-Bar. But this was not just any knife, it was more like a small sword, with an eight inch fixed blade, but it was what he wanted. That worked out well, I didn't even have to stress over getting him a birthday present, the KA-Bar would do just fine. Only one problem, February 9th, the day of the birthday party came but the knife did not. Now what? So I had to move to plan B. This was a problem that could be easily solved with a trip to the dollar store and some imagination.

The birthday table was set in Adam's signature red – red everything. Red table cloth, red plates, cups, red wrapping paper, you name it and we did it red. The family all came, we had dinner with lots of laughs and stories. After the meal, blowing out the candles and eating birthday cake, it was time for gifts. Adam opened his presents one by one, and then it was time for his “big present” from mom and dad. Adam opened the box only to find a gray plastic sword with a bright orange handle. He laughed and smiled with those adorable dimples and got the biggest kick out of his new “weapon”. That was a happy evening and one I will always cherish.

The next day, just before Adam was to leave town to go back to 29 Palms, the KA-Bar arrived. Tony and I met up with him on his way out of town, in the Crown Burger parking lot, and exchanged the plastic sword with his coveted KA-Bar. We said our good-byes, he got in his car and drove away. It seemed so sad to see him go even though we knew we would see him in about three weeks in 29 Palms to see him off to Iraq. That was the last time we ever saw Adam here in Salt Lake City. So if you ever see me crying in my onion rings at Crown Burger, you'll know why.

Adam's 21st birthday on February 9th which wasn't his birthday at all, was one of the best!

Cpl. Adam Galvez, USMC
KIA 8/20/06 Iraq

My Tribute to President George W. Bush

As the days count down to President Bush leaving office, a barrage of emotions have come over me that I did not expect. I knew it would be hard for me to see President Bush go, but these feelings caught me off guard. You see, the Bush presidency became very personal to me. It literally defined my life and changed it forever.

When President Bush took office in 2001, we were an average middle class family with three kids, then ages 12, 15 and 18. Life was hectic but nothing too out of the ordinary. President Bush instilled confidence in me. I felt like he had good insight and understanding and could get the job done. After 9/11 he demonstrated an ability and strength of character that made me believe he was the right man at the right time, and that America would be well served by him. I admired his determination and steadfastness to do what had to be done. I knew that President Bush was driven by his depth of character, his core values and beliefs, and his desire to always do what was best for America.

President Bush did not seem to care about scoring political points or making personal gains. That knowledge comforted me when my son Adam joined the Marine Corps in 2004. It was a fact that Adam would be going to war, but he would do so under a president who desired nothing more than to protect America. Knowing that, reassured me. My son would not be putting his life on the line as a pawn in someone's political game or to fulfill some ulterior motive of the powerful. No, my son and every other person who served, did so at the direction of a man who himself was a servant to the people.

On August 31, 2006 President Bush sat with my family and privately expressed his condolences for our son's death in Iraq. The sincerity of his heart was evident. Our son's death was personal to him too. This young American had gone into battle at his direction and had come home to his family in a casket. He grieved with us but remained steadfast in his duty to defend America. Although we had just buried our son, we held firm to our belief in the need to complete and win the war in Iraq. The future of the American way of life depended on it.

In addition to taking the fight to the terrorist and keeping it off our homeland, the U.S. presence in Iraq liberated 25million people, and helped form an oasis of emerging freedom and democracy in the a volatile middle east, which was necessary for our safety here at home.

The President's development of the department of Homeland Security and implementation of various programs to monitor, detect and thwart threats against America have worked. Since 9/11 no attacks on the homeland were able to come to fruition. The homeland had been kept safe.

The last eight years have brought good and bad. I won't say I have agreed with everything President Bush has done, but what he has done, he did out of a conviction to do the right thing for the people and for the country. He has acted with courage, honor and integrity throughout his eight years as our president.

To President Bush I say thank for serving our nation in such an honorable way. Thank you for recognizing the real threats we faced and for acting to preserve and protect our nation and it's people. Thank you for being a man of integrity and being willing to do the right thing regardless of the direction the political wind was blowing. You honored God, you honored our country and now Mr. President I honor you and thank you for a job well done.