After taking an extremely long break, it’s time to jump in and get back to my heart’s desire, and that is writing. An update from a Gold Star Mom who lives a busy life, full of hard work, fun, family, friends, travel, politics, church and of course troop support projects! Life has moved forward in the fullest sense, however, this time of year causes me to pause and reflect. It’s hard not to feel the sadness as I realize my son a U.S. Marine who was killed in Iraq in 2006, would have been turning 25 years old on April 2nd. I miss him everyday, but those special dates that come around still have a way of getting to me.
I last saw my son Adam when he was 20 years old. He, along with those from his Company boarded the white bus in 29 Palms and they left for their 7 month Iraq deployment. Since he would be turning 21 in less than a month, we had the good sense to throw him a big birthday bash on his last night at home, a few weeks before his departure. A BBQ at Camp Korean Village in Iraq, coincidently on the day of Adam’s 21st birthday, served as a substitution for what should have been the “big” celebration.
In the days, months and even the first couple of years following his death, it was easy to think of Adam and what he looked like, how he would have responded in a given situation, things he might have said or might have done. But now as he would be turning 25, I’m losing the ability to picture the person he would be today. Surely the “young man” and sometimes almost “boyish” look would now be replaced with a more mature and manly look. Would he be married? Would he have children? Would he still be in the Marine Corps? If so, where would he be , where would he live? I don’t know the answers to those questions, and it hurts not to know what might have been. As I’ve watched Adam’s friends get married, start families, settled down and move forward, It hurts me that he has missed out on all that. In my heart and in my mind, Adam is still 20 years old.
There is loss on so many levels, but God remains faithful. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. Despite the terrible attack that took Adam’s life, at that moment Adam stepped into the arms of God and he is home safe and sound. Thankfully God doesn’t require us to be perfect, He just requires us to know His Son Jesus and accept the sacrifice He made as a substitution for our imperfections.
Years earlier, I knew there was a plan for Adam’s life. After the attack that almost took his life in Iraq, I knew for sure God had a plan to use Adam’s life, and Adam knew it to. Three weeks later the news of his death while devastating, was also in a way puzzling, because I knew God had a plan for Adam. It didn’t take long to see that God did indeed have a plan for Adam. A plan to use his life, and death, to reach others for Christ in a way that never would have been possible while he was alive.
As parents, our lives have been transformed and defined by the death of our son. Despite the tragedy, God has filled our lives with unimaginable blessings and opportunities to share Jesus with countless people. When the pain starts to take over I try to remember that God is using Adam for His purpose, in ways we never dreamed of. God does not leave us in those times of sadness and sorrow, but He holds us closer than ever and blesses us in ways we never thought possible.
