Gold Star Moms Prepare for Journey to Iraq

The following eight posts tell the story of our Gold Star Mother's trip to Iraq

In my wildest imagination I never saw myself on the ground in Iraq, but that is indeed what is about to happen. With a little over a week to go, I and several other Gold Star Moms are frantically gathering our supplies and attending to the last minute details before we assemble at Salt Lake International Airport and begin our journey. We will join the other Gold Star Mothers and the staff of FUTURE who is hosting the trip, in Atlanta, and head off to the land where our sons served.

Our trip will include service projects to benefit Iraqi widows, orphans, hospital patients and the physically handicapped. We will be working with Utah based Operation Give to make and distribute aid kits, along with children’s educational and activity packs, as well as providing assistance to the Iraqi women in completing projects in their community.

Our travels will take us to the site of worst chemical attack in history. The 1988 chemical weapons attack by Saddam Hussein’s army killed 5,000 men, women and children. There, we will meet the town’s people and survivors of the gruesome attack. We’ll also spend time distributing supplies and activity packages in the community.

Cultural and social exchanges will be part of the week’s events as we get to know and understand the people our sons fought for.

As mother’s who’ve lost sons at war, we are uniquely privileged to have the opportunity to visit the nation our son’s gave so much for. As their moms, we count it an honor to do what we can for Iraq in light of all our sons did.

Follow our progress as we make final preparations and embark on this life changing journey. I have no doubt I will come back a different person, not only because of the experiences I will have and the people I will meet, but also because I will be in the country where my son spent the last days of his life. I'll have visited the land where a piece of my heart will remain forever.

Into Iraq

Our journey began on Sept 23^rd as we assembled at Salt Lake International airport. Jan Moncur, Colleen Parkin and me Amy Galvez were going to Iraq, the nation in which our sons served and ultimately died. Carol Young was originally scheduled for the trip, but due to a lack of funding, was unable to go. Joining us was Salt Lake Tribune reporter Matthew LaPlante, whose job it was to chronicle the story of Utah Gold Star Moms in Iraq, on our humanitarian and healing mission to the Iraqi women. However Matthew, as it turned out would watch over “his Utah Moms” and attend to our concerns and needs, easing any apprehension we may have had.

We met up with the rest of our group in Atlanta. In all our group of eighteen consisted of three Gold Star Mothers from Utah, seven from South Carolina, a Chaplain, two staff from the Organizing group FUTURE (Families United Toward Universal Respect) and our security team. After a security briefing we were on our way to Paris, then Amman, Jordan, then finally on to city of Sulaymaniyah in northern Iraq.

The 36 hour trip was grueling but excitement remained high throughout our travels. When the pilot announced “we will be entering Iraqi airspace in three minutes” it was surreal. I was really going to Iraq. My emotions ran the gamut as I realized we would fly relatively close to the town in which my son died. I wondered what my son Adam would think. Who would have imagined that four years after his death I would be on the ground in the county where war took his life. I also considered the danger. But after getting my initial exposure to the middle east by spending several hours in Amman, Jodan, many of my fears were alleviated and I was ready to enter Iraq.

I was overwhelmed at touch down. We were really on the ground in Iraq. I was almost in disbelief that it was real. This is where my son spent the last days of his life, and now, I was there. Our group was met by a delegation of Iraqi women and other officials who expedited us through customs, and transported us to our hotel. Driving through the city I saw many scenes that reminded me of a hundreds of photos we had from my son’s time in Iraq. Other areas looked progressive. Development and progress was evident everywhere.

Uncertain of what our hotel accommodations would actually be like, we were pleasantly surprised to find a nice, somewhat clean room with hot and cold running water, a bathroom, comfortable beds and air conditioning.

Without a moment of rest, we assembled in the lobby waiting for our instructions, as none of us knew why our presence had been required. Our security team in whom we’d all gained confidence, announced our security would now be under the control of six Iraqi men in dark suits, sunglasses, and earpieces in their ears, resembling secret service or something similar, and we were to go with these men . I must admit, I was a bit nervous. They escorted us outside to the rear of the hotel where there were several SUV’s, and some police vehicles with doors open and a bustle of activity around them. Our group boarded two small busses which abruptly took off behind several SUV’s with the lead police vehicle with lights and sirens on. I finally realized we were part of a motorcade, but the moms did not know where we were going. After about a ten minute drive through town, we arrived at the headquarters of the Patriotic Union of Kurdistan. There we passed a long procession of Iraqi women and other dignitaries who greeting each one of us. We were ushered into a beautiful room with a large ringed oval table and plush green velvet chairs where we were seated. About forty people filled the room with many standing or sitting along the wall. We were addressed by the leader of the Patriotic Union of Kurdistan (PUK), and several Iraqi women. The expressed deep appreciation for our visit to Iraq, TV cameras shot video, and hundreds of photos were taken.

Our VIP treatment continued at the conclusion of the address as we then escorted to a feast. Enormous amounts of many varieties of Iraqi cuisine filled the table which was about thirty feet in length. The food was exceptional and truly was a feast.

After the meal I visited with an Iraqi women who brought me to tears as she thanked me for my son helping free them from Saddam Hussein. She had survived the 1988 chemical weapons attack by Saddam’s regime which killed 5,000 men, women and children. Then later her husband was brutally killed by the regime. This women personally suffered under Saddam Hussein and lost many family members under his dictatorship. I was speechless as listened to her story. Her gratitude for my son’s sacrifice and the hard work and sacrifices by the U.S. Military could not be adequately put into words.

I had been in Iraq for less than three hours and I was already changed in the most profound way. I had made a connection to people who existed a half a world away on the evening news. But they were real, and this was only the beginning of my eyes being opened to the reality of suffering of the Iraqi and how much our military has done for them. I already looked forward to what lay ahead later that day and in the coming week. This truly would be a life changing experience and I knew without a doubt that I was supposed to be here.

Women's Leadership Conference in Iraq

It’s Sunday night here in Iraq, completing two days in country for the Gold Star Mothers. I’ll start by giving information on our conditions here in Iraq as several people have asked about it. Then I will share a few details of today’s events.

The temperature is in the high 90’s during the day and 80’s at night, so it is more comfortable than I was preparing for. Many places have air conditioning to some extent. Others however, do not. Today we attended a conference with hundreds of people and no working a/c. We got through it though! The elevators in our hotel work sporadically. Stepping into them is a risk. Our room is not actually on the seventh floor but we must walk up sevenflights of stairs to reach our room if we do not use the elevator. We have a heavy security presence.We often travel by motorcade with several security vehicles leading and bringing up the rear. We took time out before dinner tonight to do some shopping. A security detail was needed to take thirteen women shopping! We made them work hard on that outing as they not only had to track each one of us, but also assist in with our purchases helping us make the dollar/dinar conversion. Most of our women were prepared to not eat much on this trip either due to availability of food or concerns of getting sick from what we might eat. However, our organizers preselected the places we would eat as to reduce the risk of getting sick. The food in northern Iraq is outstanding and is offered in large quantities, often. The languages spoken here are Arabic, Kurdish and some English. Many of the Iraqis we are with speak enough English to communicate and there are plenty of people to serve as interpreters. Now on to today’s events.

Today we attended the Women’s Leadership Conference with women from various areas in Iraq, many of whom we’ve spent the last two days with. In attendance were leaders from Women for FUTURE Iraq, dignitaries, The First Lady of Iraq, U.S. Army Gen. Vandal, CW04 Holton from Utah and several U.S. Soldiers, State Dept representative and many others. Along with all the attendees, the auditorium was filled with security and news cameras.

Speeches were made by Mrs. Talabani, Gen. Vandal and many others. During Gen. Vandal’s address, much to my surprise, he told my son’s story. “21 year old Marine Cpl. Adam Galvez injured in a suicide bomb, buried alive under a collapsed building, attempting to rescue other Marines while taking gun fire from the enemy, and returning to duty only to be killed by an IED". As he expounded on the details he made clear the sacrifices that have been made by brave young Americans. I was in awe of the situation, that four years after Adam’s death in Iraq, I sat in a conference in Iraq where an Army general told his story to American and Iraqi dignitaries and Iraqi people trying to rebuild and secure their future.

The messages of the Iraqi women had a similar theme. They suffered greatly under Saddam Hussein and they were freed from his torture and brutality by the Americans. Words were not enough to express their gratitude of all that had been done for them. The traditional kisses, and hugs and tears spoke more than words could have. They were grateful for the bond the Gold Star Mothers now shared with them.

“We grieve for your sons as they were our own, because they are part of us and now and you are part of us”, one women said. They spoke of the progress being made by Iraqi women and the need to learn the American’s way of networking women together in service and support of one another. Women sharing and networking together is not common among Iraqi women as it is in the U.S. The women are learning from our examples and support, how to serve one another.

During Saddam Hussein’s regime, many women were widowed as their men were executed or simply vanished without a trace. Many of the women spoke of fathers, brothers, husbands of the same family being killed by Hussein or by insurgents, leaving huge numbers of women without men. If not widowed, there were no men to marry, leaving far too many women to survive on their own. It broke my heart, as over dinner a women told me of her father, four brothers and fiancé being executed. She said when the government took their men and killed them, the women were not permitted to cry. If they were caught crying, they would be arrested for sympathizing with a traitor. This woman’s mother locked herself in one room of their house for three months following her husband’s death so she could grieve without being caught. She again expressed her gratitude for all the U.S. Military has done for them and thanked me for my son’s sacrifice for their freedom.

In the past two days, I’ve seen the deeply compassionate and grateful hearts of women who have suffered and are now moving towards a brighter future. A bond has been formed and every Gold Star Mother in our group has been affected in the most profound way. We are blessed to be here with these remarkable women and look forward to spending the next few days with them.

Utah Gold Star Moms with

Mrs. Talabani, The First Lady of Iraq.

Halabjah

The city of Halabjah is about a 90 minute drive from our location, through countryside on narrow roads, and only seven miles from the Iranian border. It is the site of Saddam Hussein’s 1988 chemical weapons bombing in which 5,000 people were killed within five minutes of the bombs dropping. Our vehicles moved through the tiny streets of this run down, poverty stricken town and was a spectacle in which people stopped and stared as we passed by. Our arrival at the memorial site was somewhat unnerving. Unlike any time before, our security detail now carried submachine guns. News and video cameras were everywhere. Many people, mostly men in suits, were awaiting our arrival. Our security briefed us on exactly how to move once we left the bus. We followed every order that was given as we felt our safety was at risk.

The museum was filled with photos and displays of the dead lying in the streets following the attack of twenty two years ago. Men, women, children, babies, the elderly, animals all lay dead. Photos of the dead were taken by Saddam’s men to prove the weapons had been effective. Copies of those photos lined the walls and were heartbreaking. Mother and baby lying dead in the street as she tried to shield her baby from death. The back of a pick up truck filled with children trying to escape the planes dropping the bombs. They did not escaped. As I was looking at this photo, a man standing in front of me pointed to himself, then pointed to the picture. He said, “me”. Another man who spoke broken English confirmed what I believed the man to be saying. The man standing before me had been one of the children in that truck, the only survivor. “He laid in that truck for two days” the man said until he was rescued by Iranians. As I moved on, a video showed a young boy who survived the attack but was covered in blisters. As I watched, a man standing beside me looked at me, pointed to himself then pointed back to the video. This man was the child in the video. Others stood at the memorial where a listing of names of the dead showed several names from a single family all grouped together. One man pointed to a group of ten names, all those of his family. He had been the only survivor.

We moved to the graveyard where the victims for the chemical bombings were buried. Those who were not identified were buried in mass graves which contained 1,500 bodies or more. The rest were buried in a single grave with a headstone. Little fences and various kinds of bordering denoted multiple graves of people from the same family. The Gold Star Mothers laid flowers at the base of the “Mother’s Monument” in the graveyard, and listened to the survivors tell their stories and express their gratitude that our sons helped rid their county of the man who had done this to them. The sincere connection they seemed to feel with us touched our hearts. With most of us in tears, one by one, a pin representing the monument and tribute to 5,000 killed was pinned on us by the survivors.

Still aware of the presence of heavy fire power, video taping, and obvious potential safety risk, at the conclusion of the ceremony, our group of Gold Star Moms, Iraqi moms, and others quickly moved as instructed by security, back to our bus.

How do you sort out all the emotions after what we had just experienced? 5,000 dead in the streets, the photos, the graves, the survivors and the overwhelming realization that our U.S. Military got rid of the man who had done this. All the Gold Star Mothers felt pride in knowing our children helped liberate these people and give them hope for the future.

An Evening with The First Lady of Iraq

One special evening during our trip to Iraq was spent at the home of President and Mrs. Talabani. Mrs. Talabani, the First Lady of Iraq, hosted a dinner for the Gold Star Mothers who were visiting from the U.S., along with the women from Baghdad that we spent the week with. The day before, Mrs. Talabani had Tradition Kurdish dresses made of each woman in our group. The men were also provided with traditional Kurdish clothing. Dressed for the occasion, we arrived at the home of Mrs. Talabani. The First Lady of Iraq provided a bountiful dinner for our group. During dinner Mrs. Talabani told stories of hiding out from Saddam Hussein in the hills of Northern Iraq. She recounted the events of one night in particular when she heard the sound of incoming fire and exploding bombs while remaining in black out conditions. The next morning they found and unexploded bomb in the entrance of the structure they had sought shelter in. She also spoke of the chemical bombings by Saddam’s men on the Kurds and the fight to stay alive as he inflicted death and destruction the people. Mrs. Talabani’s genuine gratitude for all the U.S. Military had done for her country could not be overstated.

Following dinner, Mrs. Talabani presented each Gold Star Mother with and elegant crystal award engraved with this beautiful message. “Our eternal gratitude to the mothers who raised the bravest of children, who dedicated their lives to the liberation of other nations…… (signed) A Mother” This is something I will cherish forever as it is from the heart of one mother to another.

A time of socializing with Mrs. Talabani and the Iraqi women in our group we now considered dear friends was had, along with a surprise birthday celebration for our Utah Gold Star Mom Colleen Parkin. Mrs. Talabani provided four pink birthday cakes (pink being Colleen’s trademark color) and the group sang Happy Birthday to Colleen in English, Kurdish and Arabic.

This evening with Mrs. Talabani was uplifting and heartwarming. Her love and gratitude for us and our children who had died in her country, fighting for their liberation, was sincere and genuine. She was a mother reaching out to the hearts other mothers.

The repeated theme of the week which for me was completely unexpected, was love and gratitude for all our sons and daughters had done for the people of Iraq. They them as their own, and now the mother’s of those remarkable American Warriors were also loved by the people of Iraq.

Mrs. Talabani with the Joan Betros the President of FUTURE

Mrs. Talabani presenting a gift to
South Carolina Gold Star Mother Ann Hampton

Mrs. Talabani and Utah Gold Star Mother
Colleen Parkin at the birthday celebration

Birthday Party!

Utah group Amy Galvez, Colleen Parkin, Jan Moncur

and Matthew LaPlante

Read more about Hero Talabani in this 2006 Kurd net story.

Things Were Not as They Seemed.

Although we felt fairly safe in Iraq, there were some tense moments on this trip. Life in Iraq is very different than what we are used to in the U.S. Machine guns are a common sight and go mostly unnoticed by the locals. The sound of gunshots are heard from time to time. Buildings riddled with bullet holes are seen here and there and the periodic sound of a distant explosion doesn’t seem to startle anyone but visitors.

Upon arriving in Iraq we were told by our security to stay highly aware of our surrounds, always stay with our assigned partner, and listen to our security detail and do exactly as they say. Doug the head of our security team emphasized the importance of paying attention to our "gut". If something didn’t feel right, it's probably for good reason. Our security was always on top of things and we had complete confidence in their ability to keep us safe.

One evening, those feelings of safety gave way to apprehension, concern, and finally fear. We boarded our buses and set out for dinner. No one in our group, including our security was aware of what was in store for us that evening . We arrived at a heavily guarded compound and were welcomed in high style. Video cameras captured our every move, but we had become somewhat accustomed to that as cameras seemed to be present everywhere we went. During the reception it came to light that things were not as they seemed. Although dinner was uneventful, there was a growing sense that something wasn't right. The enormous presence of firepower and guards at the compound was concerning because our security did not have any visible weapons and were completely outnumbered. We were feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

Following dinner we were escorted to an area of the compound where a religious ritual was to take place. It was a ritual of violence inflicted on adults and children. Violent acts were committed right in front of us as others recorded our reactions on video. We were helpless to do anything but sit there and watch. What if we had the “wrong” reaction? What if we tried to leave? What if we tried to stop them from hurting one of the kids? None of us was willing to risk making the wrong move. Many of us prayed quietly as the mutilations continued. After nearly two hours of being subjected to watching this “ritual”, it became clearer as to why we were there.Their purpose for having us there was to show us what violent and terrible things can be done, yet their god Allah will protect them. They actually seemed to be proud and showing off in a very disturbing way.

After a very long evening we were permitted to leave. We were shocked by what we saw that night. Part of what seemed so sad was the children being brought up in this violence and conditioned for these types of rituals. In Iraq there is no “child protective services” to swoop in and remove children from a dangerous environment.

The events of the that night gave way to an unexpected and joyful day that would continue to bond the women together. The love of the God of the Bible would be evident in sharp contrast to the violence of Allah, the god of Islam.

A Divine Appointment at Lake Dukan

One afternoon was set aside for time of quiet reflection and a memorial service for our sons and daughters who had been killed in the Iraq war. Was another memorial service really what we needed? I wanted to be accomplishing concrete work with the Iraqi people, not memorializing my son, as much of that had already been done. Little did I know this day may have been the most important day of our time in Iraq.

We arrived at Lake Dukan, an exclusive resort in northern Iraq. Overlooking the lake and the nearby hills, the mothers had a nice lunch and a quite time of visiting with one another and reflecting on our children and all that had happened.

Our Chaplain offered to provide communion for any who would like to participate. A group of six moved to a secluded alcove to proceed with our service. Each one felt the presence of God fall on us in that place. We sang, worshiped the Lord and received communion. The moment was surreal as I thought of my son and his brutal death in this Muslim land, and now I was here, worshiping the Lord. From August of 2006 to September of 2010, what amazing things God had done, to bring us to this moment. As we concluded our worship and communion service we looked up to see our Iraqi friends (Iraqi women and others we had spent the week with) gathered all around, watching us worship of our Lord.

We ended our day with our Moms, Iraqi friends and others gathered outside in a large circle. Each mother was given time to speak about her son, reflect, or give a bible verse that was special to them. Each mother took a few moments. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity to share with the Iraqis, what God had done for me. I took my place in front of the group and shared about the Lord, His love and all He has done. Again, a moment that was unfathomable four years ago. To think God would take a group of mothers whose children died in war in this country, and bring them to that land to share about the love of Jesus. It was almost more than I could fully comprehend. In the deaths of our children, God continues to fulfill his purpose.

We concluded by singing Amazing Grace. God was present with us in that gathering, His presence fell on us there. The bond and love between the Iraqi women and our moms, and the display of worship of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, was a moment no one could have imagined.

There was a different “feel” as we left Lake Dukan. Our American delegation all in one bus, sang, laughed and danced (yes danced in the aisle of the bus) all the way back to town.

Our day at Lake Dukan was one that God had placed on the agenda, a divine appointment. God touched each one of us that day, in the most unlikely way, in the most unlikely place, and no one would ever be the same.

South Carolina Mom Sheila shares her
thoughts with the group

Amy and Sheila after the
communion service

South Carolina Moms Jane, Emily
and Utah Mom, Amy at Lake Dukan

Our Week in Iraq, an Overview

When we went to Iraq, The Gold Star Mothers were unsure of what to expect.We were told we would do service projects, work one on one with the people, unite women from the U.S. with Iraqi women, help the orphans and widows, and teach about service and volunteerism. A pretty tall order and all of it undefined. My hope was to quietly get into the country and do something that was meaningful for the people, and get out. My idea was to “blend in” as much as possible as to not alert too many people of our presence. We did anything but blend in. We were big news in Iraq, with high level and high profile events the entire week. TV cameras awaited us everywhere we went.There was a groundswell of excitement over our visit and genuine love and gratitude for our son’s sacrifice in their country. We were honored guests in Iraq.

Our visit centered around the Kurdish city of Suliamaniyh in the north. The Kurds were heavily persecuted by Saddam Hussein and they are especially grateful for all the American’s have done for them. The area is considered quite safe as compared to other parts of Iraq. Little in the way of insurgent attacks take place there. However we were given a large security detail, a few with our group and the others were local Iraqi security agents and all were outstanding.

Kurdish, Sunni and Shia women from various parts of Iraq joined us and spent most of the week with us. Over the week, we grew close to these women for we shared a common bond. Whether through the brutal regime of Saddam Hussein or from the insurgent attacks that followed, these women had lost loved ones. Many women shared stories in which as many as eight men from their family, brothers, fathers, children, husbands had been killed or simply vanished, never to be heard from again. Because these situations are not all that uncommon in Iraq, very large numbers of women have been left without men, and must provide for their families on their own. Boys taken by the regime, left a population of girls growing up who would have no one to marry as the female population was much larger than the male population.

The goal of Families United Toward Universal Respect (FUTURE) who hosted the trip, is to empower women in Iraq by teaching self reliance, networking with other women, and volunteerism by bringing women from the United States and Iraq together who have suffered similar loss and share a common goal.While working with the women throughout the week, we attended conferences where women who were widowed and knew loss, told their stories and expressed their deep gratitude for the sacrifice our children had made in their country, for them. Repeatedly our fallen sons were referred to as their martyrs. They considered our sons as their own and tried to convey their deep love for these young men and women who were willing to sacrifice so much to liberate their people. The bond formed between the Gold Star Mothers and the Iraqi women was deep, strong and lasting. As mothers whose children died in their land helping free and stabilize their nation, our common goal was the success of their nation and their people. Our sons did all they could do, now mothers working with mothers to help strengthen their communities, was the next logical step.

Together we spent time in the cancer hospital visiting with children in treatment. Cancer rates high due to chemicals that were used by Saddam Hussein to attack the people. Some time was spent determining the medical needs, and ways both American and Iraqi women could help the hospital and the people in need. A visit to the maternity hospital revealed significant needs of common medications that could save the lives of premature babies. Iraqis do not pay for their medical services as it is all provided by the government, and sadly many basic needs are lacking. Infant kits and baby blankets were distributed at this stop. The Women’s Center, a place where women can go for counseling, family planning, legal services, shelter or whatever needs or crisis they are facing, was our next stop. While women in Iraq face some needs similar to American women in crisis, they face many other issues that thankfully American women will never deal with. We left supplies that had been gathered in the U.S. for the Iraqi women and came away with specific needs the center has and ways American women can help.

Halabjah. Is the site of Saddam Hussein’s 1988 chemical weapons bombing in which 5,000 people were killed in five minutes. Although I’d seen pictures and knew of the attack, it was overwhelming to be in the exact place where it all happened. We saw horrific pictures of men, women and children lying dead in the streets. We visited the graveyard where the victims are buried, saw the mass graves, and the families sections in which several members of a single family were buried. We also had the chance to meet a few people who had survived the attack. Again, deep love and appreciation was showed to our Gold Star Moms not only for coming, but for the sacrifices made by our children to rid them of the man who had perpetrated this evil upon them.

Many in America still debate the need for the U.S. going into Iraq in 2003.Standing in the place, and seeing the documentation of the horror inflicted on humanity, I believe the world is a safer place because of the efforts of the U.S. Military and a government willing to do what needed done.

As we left Iraq we were relieved as there were a few times our safety was in question. But we came away with a new understanding for the country, the culture and the people who had benefited from the U.S. presence in Iraq and more specifically, our son’s sacrifice. As mother’s of sons who had died in this land, we would now carry on by helping the people strengthen their communities and ultimately, their nation.