Different Than It Used To Be, But Christmas Is Still Wonderful

Whew, we made it through another Christmas! I not only made it through, but it was an especially wonderful Christmas this time around.

When the kids were younger Christmas was all about the tree, massive amounts of gifts, last minute shopping, late night Christmas Eve wrapping, and falling into bed about 2 AM after ensuring every detail was handled. Making sure my kids would have a great Christmas morning was all that mattered. Did I forget anything? Do the presents look just right under the tree? Will the kids like their stockings? Oh maybe I should not have bought this and should have bought that. Those were wonderful times and what I use as the standard to compare every Christmas with.

Now my oldest is 26 has a family of her own. My youngest is 20 and still lives at home, sort of. My middle child lies in a grave at the Veteran’s cemetery. Well, his body lies in a grave. I take great comfort in knowing he is now in Heaven and in the presence of the Lord. Since Adam’s death in Iraq, nothing has been the same, and most certainly Christmas has been different. We miss him every day but at Christmastime the loss is accentuated.

I don’t feel the same excitement about Christmas as I used to. We tend to blame the blahs about the holidays on Adam’s death. How could you enjoy Christmas in the same way when someone you love so much is gone? But the truth is, the lack of enthusiasm my not be entirely due to my son’s death. The hustle and bustle, mad dashes to get the right gift, decorating, Christmas baking and the excitement in the air are enhanced by the presence of children. Moms and Dads feed off the excitement of their children. They are the ones who make Christmas so special.

Now that the kids are grown and there are no children in the house, the deceleration of the Christmas whirlwind is probably a natural progression and not entirely attributed to a missing family member.

There reached a point following my son’s death where I had to quit longing for things to be normal again. My definition of normal was when “Adam was still alive.” I remember the moment my heart and eyes were opened to the concept of the “new normal” It was now normal that Adam would not be present at holiday gatherings, so longing for him to be there was doing myself and the rest of the family a disservice. I had to embrace what was now normal and be grateful for the blessings we had, because they were plentiful.

Just as life without one of my children led me to live in a new kind of normal, so has the “empty nest” syndrome. Life will never be the same as it was when the children were younger. We have grown into new phases of life where everything does not revolve around the kids. That is also a new kind of normal and very nice in many ways. Actually, it’s really nice in a lot of ways.

As I would most certainly be missing my son on Christmas, a special friend told me to “cherish the memories but remember that new memories are were yet to be made.” That bit of advice made me think about what kind of memories I wanted to have when I reflected on this Christmas.

As Christmas of 2008 went into the history books, I could say I had a truly wonderful Christmas and good memories had certainly been made. There were no tears, just a joyous day with those I love and anticipation of many good things to come in the new year .